Out of respect for my ex, he will be referred to only as L in this. Odds are, this will be the only page on which you will find any reference to him.
I was 20, and my ex and I were planning to get married. We had already tried that once, and it had been called off. We were still engaged (although looking back I wonder why) and trying to decide were we ready to try again. I was on the pill for female problems, but had already figured out it was time for a change. Suddenly, I realized my period was late. When I started guzzling chocolate milk, it became a real clue that something was badly off within my body. We had a double date planned with some friends, but we went to wal-mart between dinner and the movie. I found an excuse to need to go back home before the movie, and I took the test. I told Vicky on the way to the movie that it was positive, and I had no clue how to tell L. Well, when I had to get up for the 3rd time in an hour to pee, L made some joke about it could easily be thought that I was pregnant. I froze, then burst out laughing. L was quick to realize the situation. He seemed really happy. Neither of us were happy with the exact situation, but we had already learned that there were definately worse circumstances it could happen under through a friend.
We set the wedding date for Nov 8, 1997. I had taken my nursing boards and was simply waiting on the results to start my new nursing job. We felt on top of the world. I was definately having morning sickness. I finally got into the doc's on Oct 23rd. I had an u/s done, and there was no heartbeat. The doc thought it was worth figuring out if I was wrong on my dates because u/s said I was barely 6 weeks along. I knew I hadn't had a period in at least 9 weeks. I demanded a pic to take home, knowing that it might be my only one. I had bloodwork done, then went home to attempt to make it through the weekend. My ex was at work, in another town. My mom felt she had to go to work the rest of the day. After talking to my ex MIL, I was invited to come stay with her so I wasn't alone if something went wrong. Well, nothing did. My mom picked me up, and we went home. My ex MIL and I had both called begging my ex to come home, that we knew something was wrong.
I had been laying on the couch when I felt I had to go to the bathroom. When I did, I knew then I was losing the baby. We passed my MIL on the way to the hospital. She knew. She took her daughter and grandson home, then returned to the hospital. I called my ex and my mom called my dad. I remember the triage person that day was my friend Mike. He took one look at my face and knew what was wrong. He got me back to a room. I delivered the baby there. They had me on pitocin, but I wouldn't stop bleeding. For some reason, they never sent the baby for testing, and I wasn't aware I would need it. My ob came in and said he wanted to do a D&C. I was in so much pain, he could have just cut it all out and I wouldn't have cared. He did, with Mike holding my hand the entire time. My ex still hadn't shown up as far as I was aware. I remember he was there when I came out of recovery. My MIL was still out in the hall, just waiting. That one experience erased many issues I had with her.
L and I proceeded to have 7 more miscarriages during our 1.5 years of marriage. I am finally admitting to other now, at age 30, that this was not my first loss. I had the first at age 14. To make yet another long story short, no one ever knew except those directly involved and my ob/gyn. I also had one during those first few months after I moved to Texas. My ex isn't aware of it either. I couldn't be sure who's it was, his or someone else close to me. Jim was the only one besides Tony who knew, and because of issues he was dealing with, Tony didn't find out for several weeks.
