Moments Of Sanity

This is an actual conversation that I had with my mom about 2 years ago. My stared at me and accused me of lying when he heard it. It is a perfect example of life with her and why I cooked my first Thanksgiving dinner at age 9. To set the scene a little bit: My parents had been to Texas to visit. Tony and I grilled kabobs for them and made a basil potato salad and some garlic bread. My mom wanted to make the same thing when they got back home, and this is the phone call about it.

Mom: Hey, I wanted to make those kabob things y’all made when we were out there. I forgot to get those stick things though. Is that ok?

Me: uumm  Well, I guess you can just grill the meat then cut it up. Maybe slice the veggies and grill them that way on some foil.

Mom: OK, well, I don’t have any italian dressing.

Me: Well, you could use bbq sauce or anything you like the flavor of on your chicken. Or, I guess you could do it plain.

Mom: Your dad doesn’t want to grill, so what do I do?

Me: *sighing* Then just cook the meat in the oven like you normally do, and then saute the veggies.

Mom: How do you saute?

Me: I can’t believe you just asked me that. Get out your cook book. It will tell you. I am 500 miles away, I can’t exactly do this for you Mom.

Mom: Ok, so about the potato salad thing….. Your dad doesn’t like basil, and we really don’t like much garlic. I also don’t have any vinegar. Any suggestions?

Me: Boil them, add salt and pepper.

Mom: But then they won’t be as good as your’s.

Me: In order for it to taste like mine, you have to use at least of few of the same ingredients. 

Mom: You are determined to be difficult aren’t you?

Me: I have to go now. I am ready to climb through the phone and kill you. Are your wills updated?

Mom: Well, there’s no need to be rude!

Me: You have no idea woman.