Moments Of Sanity

While shuffling through my homemade CD’s looking for something to listen to, I pull out the one song that can put me in check. "I Hope You Dance" was the first song on that CD. *sigh*

I am tired of being a good girl.

Raise your hand if you’ve seen Mr & Mrs Smith. Can you honestly say you didn’t find that scene hot? I won’t lie, I did.

While that particular phrase has never been one of my favorites, I can’t help but picture that scene now whenever I hear it. I’m listening to Toby Keith at the moment, and I have to admit, I get hot whenever I hear his song of the same title. I really don’t have a father figure complex (Shut up, I don’t….I just prefer men that have an idea of honesty, respect, and integrity.) that phrase does work for me lately. (It doesn’t hurt that his voice is hot.)

Sorry, I know this probably belongs on my other blog, but I don’t have much interest in logging in over there.  

I am a fairly accurate example of a typical scorpio, I have to say, I hate my birthstone. It is always represented by the yellow version that always reminds me of someone’s pee.

Today is going to have a lot of little, meaningless posts. I just can’t get focused on anything constructive.

 Very nutritious, I know. But I can guarantee it will have my ass working out tonight. 

I have done everything from begging, to bribing, to coercing the girl child to potty train. The one thing I realized this morning I haven’t done was tell her she could NOT go potty. I found her playing in the bathroom just a moment ago. What happened when I told her she couldn’t play in there? She screamed and cried. Maybe I will try telling her she isn’t allowed/supposed to go in the potty.

This does not bode well for her teenage years.  

Here is the link to my yahoo pics. Just go there. Tony and I have some really cute kids, don’t we?

I figured part of the problem out. My pics were too large! uh…duh!

I have been trying to get blogsome to let me post a pic from Easter of my family, but it doesn’t seem to like my pics. I haven’t had the mental energy to go to the forums and see if I am the only one having the problem. I must remember to do that tomorrow.

Poor Tony came home feeling sick. I was working on the business site, so the kids were running wild entertaining themselves. (The site is up and running and open for business, so check it out….the link is at the top.)  He got hit with 2 little flying bodies. As he laid on the couch to rest, the kids took jumping leaps onto him. Torie Anna proceeded to stick her finger up his nose and then lick his eyeball. Both kids were happy to see him. I think even now, 4 hours later, he is wishing he’d gone into the bedroom to lay down instead of the couch.

I find myself absolutely living for October when the kids go to my parents for 1-2 years weeks. I find myself really feeling the need to spend some time completely focused on myself. I need to spend some time with my thoughts turned inward. I have found myself looking to Tony lately for answers, and it dawned on me tonight……he can’t answer……I have to. Poor guy isn’t even really aware of the situation, he has just felt my instability lately. He is my rock. 

Some days, I could really do damage to my ex for certain things and feel no remorse. Others, I find myself thanking him. This plays into the above.

I find myself ready to scream over my weight. Even with my blood sugar under control, my weight isn’t stable. This weight is coming off, and ASAP. This isn’t me. It’t the result of years of anorexia, physical, mental, and sexual abuse, and self doubt. I’m done with this game. I survived hell, bad health isn’t getting me. While I am fully aware I will never have the body I once did, I will have a damned sight better than I currently have.

I am calling tomorrow for my physical.